By Ryan Moyer (Bishop’s)
“Let me say, with the risk of appearing ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by strong feelings of love. It is impossible to think of an authentic revolutionary without the quality.”
The Speeches and Writings of Che Guevera, p.398
Is there such a thing as action motivated by a moral compass completely emancipated from one’s own desires? Tough question, here’s a half answer; you never truly know someone until you know what they want. As a student, academic achievement is my currency to buy upward social mobility and power. Good grades are respect. Good grades are acceptance. Academic achievement is the beast of burden that carries my dreams of actually doing something meaningful. With so much appearing to ride on my first real academic endeavor here in Malawi, how do I maintain composure?
Every sports team tryout I ever attended was a failure. I would crack under the pressure like a Pinto’s engine cylinder and either double dribble in front of the coach or throw the pass out of bounds. I stutter every time I approach a woman I’m attracted to, or even men I feel intimidated by. The physiological effects I feel during job interviews could be compared to heroin withdrawal. If I’m ever interviewed outdoors during the Canadian winter my perspiration could form a skating rink.
With embarrassment as a shadow, I began to win and succeed by default; I would not engage with challenges. Smart right? With so many years of this activity gradually becoming my natural stress response, the duty of emancipating tradition is a trial, an internal one as well as one which is external while working in the Chilanga region. Up until now (maybe still but to a lesser degree) I’ve mostly been asking; Is this the best I can do? Am I asking the right questions? Will this get me good grades? The egoism is deafening. I’ve been raised and have been complacent in a system that promotes competition, hedonistic activity and romanticism at all costs, like they’re going out of style. Well the cost is lack of progression and solutions, and hopefully those mindsets are going out of style. These traditions allow for the evasion of any type of critical thinking or self-loathing as we float down the lazy river of Western society. Behind the fences of the water park are those who built the place and harvested the pineapples we sip from. But, our drinks have frilly umbrellas and the six o’clock news is doing a segment on puppies, so calm down.
The question has arisen in my research of cooking stoves; If the cooks are aware of all the benefits of the cooking stove vs. their usual three rock fire system, why don’t they use the cook stove? Another question has arisen; Why was I not more engaged in finding an answer before now(Question mark) Tradition most definitely has a part to play in all of this. I hope in finding answers to the questions which mark my own inability to shake tradition, I can reflexively conclude some questions that arise from tradition in Makupo.
If the goals define the action and mine have been; impressing a professor, befriending my peers and getting good grades, then I have been walking the wrong path for three weeks. I have wasted time. I have beat the hell out of any type of personal progression or potential community growth with a continued direction of naval gazing solutions that ultimately were manifested to benefit myself. In typical fashion the challenge of engaging in knowledge transfer in dialectical form was swapped for knowledge transfer that is one sided in the form of a proposed English lesson. White ego, white privilege, orientalism, Euro-centric; whatever you want to call it, continues to creep into my praxis. It’s just easy to romanticize neo-liberal solutions, because that has most often been done in these situations and because…well, it provides comfort in the midst of ambiguity and an overwhelming sense of futility. An academic placebo effect.
Ram Dass is a writer and former UC Berkley psychologist that has been monumentally influential in how I conduct my life. His teachings revolve around the perception of time, as the title of his book Be Here Now clearly illustrates. His teachings are relevant, ironically, here and now more so than they have ever been. I mustn’t consider past failures or even future dreams of employment in my current work. If I emancipate traditional practices of hedonism, immediate gratification (cursory solutions) and the fear of failure, only then will I be able to progress. I said at the beginning that academic achievement is the beast of burden that carries my dream of doing something meaningful, but here in Malawi I already am, here and now.
Romance is a wonderful feeling, but one filled with nostalgia for the past and lust for the future, along with acts of false generosity. Love is working on solutions, here and now, with, not for, the people of the Chilanga region. But, to do that, I need to turn off the news, put down the pineapple, get out of the lazy river and climb the fence to work from, not for, the margins of society.